Break Away

I vomit the truth

like a love sick dog -

I need you

I worship you

I scratch at your chest

I hang on your feet

You hold me by my wrists

You push me to the ground

I lie here screaming

I wish you could hear me

Hear my heart aching

from this great loss

Disorientated from the

chaos in my head

Trying to understand

the death you speak so calm

I am utterly depending on you

You give this dull being -

A reason to live

A reason to die

Music

If music could be injected

into my blood stream,

I will always hum a happy tune.

It will flow through my veins

like the heat from your body.

You’ll be my high note.

If rhythm could be inhaled 

into my hollow lungs,

I will whisper a sleeping la-la bye.

It will fill my head

like the power from your soul.

You’ll be my single lyric.

If melodies could be absorbed

into my cold skin,

I will never be alone again.

It will awake my heart

like the soft touch from your hands.

And you’ll be my only song.

Just plain me

I don’t have the intelligent words to fool you with.

All I have is my feelings and emotions.

And all is the bloody truth.

I may seem dull and to uncomplicated for you.

But the truth is,

I’m really fucked up.

I may seem unsuperior for your attention.

But you still demand mine.

You made me desire you with your easy ways.

You’re such a beautiful human being.

I’m not the cool, calm and collected type.

Nor the silly, loud one.

I’m just plain me.

Dark Deeps

Staying awake is difficult

Sleeping is impossible

Inhaling is restricted

Exhaling unimaginable

Dwelling thoughts

Reacquiring anxiety

Tired body

Exhausted mind

Stuck in a depressing circle

Consuming your life

Destroying your will

to survive

It’s in these dark deeps

where you find comfort

You become numb

from all the pain

New Born

Your voice is crystal clear.

It awakes me from

what I thought

was an eternal slumber.

You made me the powerful

beast I am today.

Proud and strong

I hold you in my arms.

You inspire me to

be my very best.

Now I am complete.

In mind, body and soul.

Air

You’re like the air

I breathe in.

You fill my swollen lungs

And sooth my aching body.

You’re like the air

I feel on my skin.

You calm my nervous mind

And give my soul rest.

You’re like the air

I keep within.

You pick me up from depressing deeps

And lift me to higher hopes.

Heart-Art: Disease

Heart-Art: Disease: You’re a disease I carry in my heart. You feed on my flesh. Deteriorate my soul. You leave me empty inside. A hollow being. You leave me ho...

Heart-Art & Blue Pear

Heart-Art

Blue Pear Photography

Worst Enemy

You look me in the eyes

And the lies come spilling out

 You rub salt into my wounds

The wounds you’ve created

You punish me for your mistakes

You cut my nose to spite your face

I am my own worst enemy.

A Mothers Love

Some day God will send

you down from heaven.

He’ll lend me one of his own angels,

to for full my only dream.

You’ll be my salvation.

You’ll steal my whole heart,

and heal it with your soft touch.

There is no love

like a mothers love.

Heart-Art

You took everything

I am the little lamb.

You are the lustful lion.

You concurred my body.

I will never be free from you.

You invaded my mind.

I will never forget your name.

You gave me scars.

They will never heal.

You wrecked my dreams.

I will never sleep again.

You covered my soul with your dirt.

I can never be cleansed.

You injected me with your poison.

I will never live again.

You used your strength.

Against my own will.

You took everything.

Blue Pear Photography

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Heart-Art

When you're with her

We’re sitting here,

watching the sun disappear.

All I can hear,

your sweet voice…

Whispering in my ear.

Your cool breath,

blowing trough my hair.

You tell me you’re in love.

But I don’t think this is fair.

You only love me

when you’re alone.

Never thinking of me

when you’re with her.

You’re quick to call

every time you fall.

Then I hear

your sweet voice…

But you don’t love me at all.

Your warm touch,

running trough my hair.

You tell me you’re in love.

But I don’t think this is fair.

You only need me

when you’re alone.

Never wanting me

when you’re with her.

She doesn’t love you,

like I do.

Still I’m your second choice.

She doesn’t need you,

like I do.

Still, you’re with her.

I’ll end this here.

Before all the beauty disappears.

I never want to hear,

your sweet voice…

Burning my ear.

My Friends

Sitting on the floor

Counting them one by one

At first it was harmless fun

Now it’s a necessity

Way back they used to be my friends

Now they own my life

Taking my pain

Taking my soul

Taking my self-respect

Giving me hope

They are addictive

But somehow I managed them

This time I won’t be so lucky

I never am

Scared to let them go

Scared of being alone

Scared of living this life

Scared of dying like this

They never loved me

They never cared

They’re dead

They’re deadly

I am all alone

Loved One

Words fall short

My heart goes numb

I’m stung by your beauty

Paralysed by your gaze

This hands of a gentlemen

Knows the way around a woman

Your scent muscular and strong

Yet it falls gentle on my lips

My body trembles against your skin

Soaks up the warmth you give

My eyes can’t believe

Here with me – a perfect creature

I’ll sacrifice everything

To feel this way forever

Addicted to your voice

Falling unconscious at your smile

Unaware of the power you hold

You play with this innocent heart

Everyday without you seems like torture

Ripping my soul apart

Still I carry you in my dreams

Every night we meet again

In this life you loved me

The same way I loved you.

Seven Deadly Sins

Black heart

Blue eyes

Lips sweet and poisonous

Sharp tongue

Bitter mouth

Head strong but mad

Envy and lust spilling over

Creeping into every corner

Consuming all pure thoughts

Body breathing

Soul died

Giving up on all that was denied

Anger burning

Roaring rage

Pride bursting out my rib cage 

Call me greedy

I want all of you

Devoured by my gluttony

Lazy me

Leaves God’s gifts unused

Reluctant to make an effort

Sins destroy charity in mans heart

I lead to eternal death

I am sinfully me

Anxiety

Breathless

Shaking

Body breaking

Falling fast

Sinking slow

Losing self control

Crying

Spit dripping

Feet limping

Feeling

Hearing

Stripping to breath

Hold me my rocking chair

Put your arms

around my aching chest

I Apologize

You wear this innocent

smile on your lips.

The pain flickering

deep inside your beauty.

You will never know why.

You will never be burdened again.

You will never hear my selfish voice,

whispering lies in you ear.

I took your innocence.

I gave you strength.

I took your love.

I gave you my trust.

You are strong and wise.

You took a chance on loving me.

So I apologize

To the one that got hurt.

You will never know why.

You will never be hurt again.

You will never feel my selfish grip,

wringing your neck.

I took your innocence.

I gave you pain.

I took your love.

I gave it away.

You showed me beauty

I thank you for that.

Still I apologize

to the one that got hurt.

You gave me comfort

I admire you for that.

Still I apologize

to the one that got hurt.

Love War

Black stains on the pillow,

This time replaced by blood.

You whispered that you cared,

The love was already lost.

The war is over.

All was said.

You pulled the sword.

I killed the passion.

How can I breath

when I’m dead inside?

Crippled by the fighting.

Lying still in the dust left from you.

A heart once beating for us

drained dry.

Hollow helpless            numb

Nor dead or alive.

Reincarnation…

Finding another soul.

I will carry this pain forever.

Finding love after death.

Life after lost.

Crawled up dead on the bed.

Taking the first breath.

Letting go of everything known.

Dragon Lady

You speak your words

like a dragon breathing fire.

You fight with vicious claws.

Your resilience astonishes me.

How I wish I could

be as strong as you.

You always taught me how.

Somehow I failed.

The truth is I think,

we all have our different ways

of combating demons in our path.

Maybe it’s my war to fight.

Your power makes me afraid-

Afraid if failing

Afraid of not being you

Afraid of being myself.

Hopefully someday my daughter

will look up to me.

Also see me as the dragon lady.

Not fearing the fire burning in my powerful soul.

Cutter

I will slit my wrist to empty the pain.

Words can’t help me now.

I’m tired of speaking an empty mind.

It’s the only way to express myself.

Talking was a useful trick.

Even when nobody listened.

Maybe now you can see,

All this pain locked inside of me.

A mixture of anxiety, fear and pain.

All tangled up in my veins

Bleeding out will save my head.

Still a hollow heart remains.

Identity

What’s worth giving up-

A dream of living

A dream dieing

Is it better to live a life with no regrets?

Or always walking on eggshells?

When can I be me-

When will I be loved being me?

Will you accept my individuality?

Will you keep on pressing your stamp?

Breathing air is what I do

Breathing my own way is the only way I know how

Being different

And being stubborn is two of a kind.

Not being me instead of you

Is the only kind

Love or let go.

Obey or die.

Blue Pear Photography

My Darling

Blue Pear Photography

Your soft skin

against my broken body.

I am safe from the cold.

You protect me

from the world that's so cruel.

And I am grateful for you.

And if I want to,

Can I please just tell you?

That I'll always love you.

And if I need to,

Can I please just show you?

That I'll always care for you.

You are my darling.

You heal me,

as you pull the thorns

from my tired soul.

And I trust you.

When you take my hand

and you hold it real tight.

Your heart is in a cage.

Your heart is in a cage.

My finger is on the trigger.

Your body is heavy yet restless.

My mind tired of your tricks.

I fell hard.

You didn’t hold on to me.

I’ve dealt with the fact.

I’ve been given the worst.

Voices in my head,

tell me you’re long gone.

Time to move on,

to a peaceful place.

You turned a blind eye.

Never saw the beauty,

I had to give.

To your selfish heart.

You’re never satisfied.

You are your own worst enemy.

Denying yourself of love.

All the pleasure and pain it brings.

You wake up day by day.

But never go to sleep.

Never dreaming

of the love of your life.

Resilience

Someone once told me:

The mind is a powerful thing.

Only you can make the choice.

Live your life to the full.

Let it all go to waist.

So I asked them:

What if your passion for living,

was stolen bit by bit?

What will be your fuel for life?

What will be your drive?

When the damage is done.

When I am left with none.

How do I get up?

How do I move on?

With absolute no resilience.

Gods Gift

I am able and willing to love.

I am passionate and humble.

I am caring and understanding.

I am vulnerable and full of emotion.

I am scared and reckless.

I am brave and victorious.

I am strong and sturdy.

I am hopeful and trusting.

I am imperfect.

I am a daughter, a mother, a friend and a lover.

I am Gods gift.

Blue Pear Photography

Bad News

A tear dripped from your eye.

Fell into my dry mouth.

How bitter sweet this tastes.

You can’t stand the words I speak so softly.

I want to cover your ears.

Protect you from myself.

I was never in love but I loved you.

I enjoyed your affection.

I demanded your attention.

I am a petty thief.

I stole your trust and love and passion.

I deny nothing nor do I regret anything.

Do remember you are special.

Just not meant for me.

Damaged

I can’t heal your face.

I can’t cover your heart.

You have to fight for yourself.

Destroy your own demons.

I can’t build your home.

I can’t raise your children.

You have to grow yourself.

Nourish your own angels.

Stop the tears and accusations!

You’re hurting my soul.

Tearing me up day by day.

Trashing my world.

Feel free to scream at me.

I can’t help you now.

Feel free to hit my head.

I can’t keep you calm.

Take another bite at my heart.

I won’t cry for you.

Toss another insult my way.

I won’t pray for you.

I can’t carry you anymore.

Learn to walk yourself.

Lay in the grave,

you digged yourself.

I can’t save your soul.

Nor fix your head.

I’m not your pillar anymore.

I’m a damaged child.

The Last Meal

Light me another cigarette

while you pick the last crumbs from

my broken body.

Don’t cry,

this is my sacrifice.

You made this child.

You have taken everything,

now take my life.

Drink the wine I poured.

Let’s get on with it.

My patience is running low.

The drugs are clearing up.

Cigarettes burning out.

After feeding on my soul,

please burn the remains.

I don’t want the vultures to take what’s left of me.

Curse this last meal.

Vomit the ghost.

God knows you’ll pay for this.

Blue Pear Photography