I Apologize

You wear this innocent

smile on your lips.

The pain flickering

deep inside your beauty.

You will never know why.

You will never be burdened again.

You will never hear my selfish voice,

whispering lies in you ear.

I took your innocence.

I gave you strength.

I took your love.

I gave you my trust.

You are strong and wise.

You took a chance on loving me.

So I apologize

To the one that got hurt.

You will never know why.

You will never be hurt again.

You will never feel my selfish grip,

wringing your neck.

I took your innocence.

I gave you pain.

I took your love.

I gave it away.

You showed me beauty

I thank you for that.

Still I apologize

to the one that got hurt.

You gave me comfort

I admire you for that.

Still I apologize

to the one that got hurt.

Love War

Black stains on the pillow,

This time replaced by blood.

You whispered that you cared,

The love was already lost.

The war is over.

All was said.

You pulled the sword.

I killed the passion.

How can I breath

when I’m dead inside?

Crippled by the fighting.

Lying still in the dust left from you.

A heart once beating for us

drained dry.

Hollow helpless            numb

Nor dead or alive.

Reincarnation…

Finding another soul.

I will carry this pain forever.

Finding love after death.

Life after lost.

Crawled up dead on the bed.

Taking the first breath.

Letting go of everything known.

Dragon Lady

You speak your words

like a dragon breathing fire.

You fight with vicious claws.

Your resilience astonishes me.

How I wish I could

be as strong as you.

You always taught me how.

Somehow I failed.

The truth is I think,

we all have our different ways

of combating demons in our path.

Maybe it’s my war to fight.

Your power makes me afraid-

Afraid if failing

Afraid of not being you

Afraid of being myself.

Hopefully someday my daughter

will look up to me.

Also see me as the dragon lady.

Not fearing the fire burning in my powerful soul.

Cutter

I will slit my wrist to empty the pain.

Words can’t help me now.

I’m tired of speaking an empty mind.

It’s the only way to express myself.

Talking was a useful trick.

Even when nobody listened.

Maybe now you can see,

All this pain locked inside of me.

A mixture of anxiety, fear and pain.

All tangled up in my veins

Bleeding out will save my head.

Still a hollow heart remains.

Identity

What’s worth giving up-

A dream of living

A dream dieing

Is it better to live a life with no regrets?

Or always walking on eggshells?

When can I be me-

When will I be loved being me?

Will you accept my individuality?

Will you keep on pressing your stamp?

Breathing air is what I do

Breathing my own way is the only way I know how

Being different

And being stubborn is two of a kind.

Not being me instead of you

Is the only kind

Love or let go.

Obey or die.

Blue Pear Photography

My Darling

Blue Pear Photography

Your soft skin

against my broken body.

I am safe from the cold.

You protect me

from the world that's so cruel.

And I am grateful for you.

And if I want to,

Can I please just tell you?

That I'll always love you.

And if I need to,

Can I please just show you?

That I'll always care for you.

You are my darling.

You heal me,

as you pull the thorns

from my tired soul.

And I trust you.

When you take my hand

and you hold it real tight.

Your heart is in a cage.

Your heart is in a cage.

My finger is on the trigger.

Your body is heavy yet restless.

My mind tired of your tricks.

I fell hard.

You didn’t hold on to me.

I’ve dealt with the fact.

I’ve been given the worst.

Voices in my head,

tell me you’re long gone.

Time to move on,

to a peaceful place.

You turned a blind eye.

Never saw the beauty,

I had to give.

To your selfish heart.

You’re never satisfied.

You are your own worst enemy.

Denying yourself of love.

All the pleasure and pain it brings.

You wake up day by day.

But never go to sleep.

Never dreaming

of the love of your life.

Resilience

Someone once told me:

The mind is a powerful thing.

Only you can make the choice.

Live your life to the full.

Let it all go to waist.

So I asked them:

What if your passion for living,

was stolen bit by bit?

What will be your fuel for life?

What will be your drive?

When the damage is done.

When I am left with none.

How do I get up?

How do I move on?

With absolute no resilience.

Gods Gift

I am able and willing to love.

I am passionate and humble.

I am caring and understanding.

I am vulnerable and full of emotion.

I am scared and reckless.

I am brave and victorious.

I am strong and sturdy.

I am hopeful and trusting.

I am imperfect.

I am a daughter, a mother, a friend and a lover.

I am Gods gift.

Blue Pear Photography

Bad News

A tear dripped from your eye.

Fell into my dry mouth.

How bitter sweet this tastes.

You can’t stand the words I speak so softly.

I want to cover your ears.

Protect you from myself.

I was never in love but I loved you.

I enjoyed your affection.

I demanded your attention.

I am a petty thief.

I stole your trust and love and passion.

I deny nothing nor do I regret anything.

Do remember you are special.

Just not meant for me.

Damaged

I can’t heal your face.

I can’t cover your heart.

You have to fight for yourself.

Destroy your own demons.

I can’t build your home.

I can’t raise your children.

You have to grow yourself.

Nourish your own angels.

Stop the tears and accusations!

You’re hurting my soul.

Tearing me up day by day.

Trashing my world.

Feel free to scream at me.

I can’t help you now.

Feel free to hit my head.

I can’t keep you calm.

Take another bite at my heart.

I won’t cry for you.

Toss another insult my way.

I won’t pray for you.

I can’t carry you anymore.

Learn to walk yourself.

Lay in the grave,

you digged yourself.

I can’t save your soul.

Nor fix your head.

I’m not your pillar anymore.

I’m a damaged child.

The Last Meal

Light me another cigarette

while you pick the last crumbs from

my broken body.

Don’t cry,

this is my sacrifice.

You made this child.

You have taken everything,

now take my life.

Drink the wine I poured.

Let’s get on with it.

My patience is running low.

The drugs are clearing up.

Cigarettes burning out.

After feeding on my soul,

please burn the remains.

I don’t want the vultures to take what’s left of me.

Curse this last meal.

Vomit the ghost.

God knows you’ll pay for this.

Blue Pear Photography

Love to hate you

I will get to know you

know the person hiding behind

the ice wall.

You’re not my god.

I wish I could change

the way you see.

I wish I could change

the way I feel.

I was made to love you.

You were made to break my soul.

Please sit down so we can talk.

I want to get to know you.

Do tell me a story.

Tell me about your not so perfect ways.

This is after all

my heart on the line.

No I will not regret the words

I speak with fear.

I will get to know you

know the person holding my heart.

Hope you fall from your pedestal

I put you upon.

I would like to find

the ugly I so desperately seek.

Come on and show me

your true colours.

There is no beauty so addictive

That this pain is worth it all.

I would love to hate you.

Child

Keep her safe

from screaming voices.

Judgemental reasoning.

Violent thoughts.

Protect her from

poison people.

Save her from

sweet ignorance.

Soothe her pain,

this poor terrified child.

Blinded by lies.

Crippled by the world.

Give her truth and choice

and a will to survive.

Give her knowledge

about the demons in this life.

Wisdom is the key

To a future of success.

Be her safe house.

Warm, kind and caring.

Blue Pear Photography

The other woman

She crawled

underneath your thick skin

like a butchers knife

cutting trough a carcass.

She healed

your scars of loneliness

with her patience,

and tenderness.

She softened

your black heart.

Made you believe

in love again.

She gave

you hope to live.

Took away

all your pain.

She shown

the sun on you

where you were hiding

in the shadows of doubt.

She took

all your hesitation.

Made you willing

to fight for her.

She opened

your eyes so you could see,

all the beauty

in her loving soul.

Blue Pear Photography

Watch your words

Put a guard in front of my mouth.

I’ll put a foot in yours.

Your stupidity scares me.

My voice becomes a bore.

Every look, word or move

made in anger.

Every sharp tongue

painted in spite.

Every time you walk out,

shatters my heart.

Time to watch your words.

Count them one by one.

Swallow them whole.

Being defensive builds the walls

that breaks the view.

Being silly breaks the strings

that ties us together.

This sucks the creativity

out of my bones.

Kills the passion in my soul.

When you wake up, it’ll be to late.

I’ll watch my words.

Swallow them one by one.

Count the days till you’re gone.

Disease

You’re a disease

I carry in my heart.

You feed on my flesh.

Deteriorate my soul.

You leave me empty inside.

A hollow being.

You leave me hopeless.

Now I am ready to die.

Blue Pear Photography

Heart-Art: A Lovers Letter

Heart-Art: A Lovers Letter: "You’re soft on the eyes, and on my lips. One touch of your hands, my life begins again. Any other old day, I would have walked away. But I ..."

Heart-Art: Beautiful Mask

Heart-Art: Beautiful Mask: "I want to be cute write you butterflies you can stick them in your head let your thoughts fly maybe you will love me more so much that yo..."

Beautiful Mask

Blue Pear Photography

I want to be cute

write you butterflies

you can stick them in your head

let your thoughts fly

maybe you will love me more

so much that you go blind

you won’t see my scars

nor will you find the ugly

the truth shall always rise

ruin the beauty that you adore

reveal the demons

reveal the pain

shut down and cover your ears

you know this isn’t me

pain staining my pretty dress

telling me what to say

I want to be perfect

write you lulu-byes

you can hum them in your head

disguise the truth about me

paint the beautiful mask you see

Broken Body

My heart may be hollow.

But my body can feel

you beside me.

My eyes may be blind.

But my soul

is still burning.

Quench my thirst for your love.

Give in to my broken body.

I may be dead inside.

But I’m eager to live again.

My voice may be shaking.

But I’m screaming

out your name.

My feet may be aching

But I’ll follow

your every move.

Quench my thirst for your love.

Heal my broken body.

I may be dead inside.

But I’m eager to love again

A Lovers Letter

You’re soft on the eyes,

and on my lips.

One touch of your hands,

my life begins again.

Any other old day,

I would have walked away.

But I have waited

my whole life for you.

I tried to fix myself,

I wasn’t broken.

All I needed was

a helping hand.

I thought my wounds

would never heal.

You have saved me.

I couldn’t breath

because I was lost.

You have found me.

I feel safe.

I feel warm.

I feel loved

when I’m with you.

I feel tender.

I feel beautiful.

I feel complete

when I make love to you.

The time is right.

We both have suffered enough.

Now we can be together.

Leave the past behind.

When our eyes meet in

a passionate time,

it’s in your eyes that

I see that you’re mine.

Your heartbeat is my calling.

It keeps me alive.

We belong together.

We belong forever.

Blue Pear Photography

You Killed Me

You killed me.

You took my passion,

and my will to survive.

You ripped my heart out.

Whent dancing on it.

Drained it dry.

You sucked the air

out of my lungs.

Smothered me.

You broke every bone

in my tired body.

You did it for fun.

You burned my eyes out.

I can never see beauty again.

You ruined everything.

You hurt me

with your selfishness.

You destroyed me

with your lies.

You killed me

with your hands.

You made me dead inside.